The BrainSnare Boys have done it again. BS Productions, a wholly owned subsidy of BrainSnare, is honored to present GHM. And our culinary partner, The Happy Kitchen, is proud to uphold the decade long tradition of hosting this year’s gathering: The 10th annual Great Halloween Meeting on October 26 2014.
The Official GHM Meal Card … Don’t Leave Home Without It!
Priceless … That’s right. This coveted card, sought by many, but only held by one, assures priceless meals for all those who join the bearer during the GHM gastronomic festivities. Come one, come all, and gather around the bountiful buffet. Feast to your heart’s content, until you can no longer see your own belt, or your LDL-c exceeds mortal limits.
QED Network’s chief correspondent Enda Proof caught up with up with Edmond Bearski et al (one of the three GHM co-founders) on July 16 2014 at the sold-out SCAB national convention in Las Vegas. Bearski was rather characteristically tight-lipped about the approaching GHM event in October. More secretive than a typical Apple unveiling, Bearski was asked to provide a hint about this year’s GHM schedule. Known worldwide for its extravagant galas, GHM provides a unique venue for its devoted followers. Proof politely taunted Bearski by saying, “It’s well known that this year’s celebration will be the largest meeting ever held in its ten year history. Can you share even the smallest teasing tidbit of information for your followers?” After a long, pregnant pause, Bearski quipped, “Yes I can.”
It should be pointed out that not a single syllabic secret exited Bearski’s mouth after that three-word response. So yes, I guess he can … but he clearly won’t.
Proof then moved her mic and attention to Rogon “The Rev” Poundstein, second of the trio of GHM co-founders.
“As the insanely successful SCAB national convention winds down here in Vegas,” Proof began, “is the phenomenal SCAB turn-out a predictor of this year’s GHM in October?”
Poundstein responded, “Theologically speaking: God knows that our decision to pick SCAB for our Vegas venue exceeded our collective imagination, beyond all measures. Despite this, or perhaps just because of it, our expectations for GHM in October are already proving to be grossly underestimated. For example, tickets for GHM are simply not available and it’s still 3 months away!”
“Congratulations are certainly in order Rogon,” Proof inserted, “but can you provide a glimpse into what this year’s GHM has in store for its attendees?”
“Let me say this: et contemplabor ut videam,” teased Rogon as he parted with a smirk.
Exasperated by her lack of success but undeterred to keep grilling and drilling, Proof turned to face the final GHM co-founder Mitch “Ryder” Wheeling. But at that same moment, Kat Shrodinger approached the group from beyond Proof.
“Well hey, Kat!,” Wheeling shouted and signaled her to join the group. “I haven’t seen you in forever … didn’t know if you were dead or alive. Please come join us.”
As Kat made her way to the group, Proof couldn’t help but notice that Shrodinger was sporting a brand new pair of trendy Dox shoes.
Momentarily disoriented by this female fashion emergency, “Are those really Dox?,” Proof blurted out as all eyes focused on Schrodinger’s footwear.
“Sure is … my pair o’ Dox,” Shrodinger proudly offered.
As Shrodinger settled in, Proof recomposed herself and once again faced Wheeling to continue the interview.
Proof opened the volley. “It’s been often reported Mitch that, of the three of you, you’re perhaps the most challenged of the troop. Any morsel of truth to that?”
Wheeling paused, and then responded, “Well, I feel that I have to take a tissue with that, Enda. But if you mean intellectually challenged, then I suppose it’s true. But only where my thoughts are concerned.”
Having made her point effortlessly, Proof changed topics. “It’s not widely known how the three of you got together initially. There’s got to be a story there. So how did you all meet?”
“Well, I suppose it was due to two reasons: fate and transportation. Yes, there was quite a bit of transportation involved that allowed us to get together.” Wheeling’s voice trailed off.
“Beyond that, are there some details to share?” Proof added.
“Well, Rogon and Eddy — I call them that because that’s their names — they were already friends in high school. They went to the same high school on Long Island back when they were in high school together. Me, I went to a different high school together with them in Massachusetts. But later, Rogon and I were roommates in college. He was learning very big words like ‘phenomenological’, and I was learning small words like ‘id’. Sometimes, we’d learn the same words together like ‘modus ponens’ when we took the same class. Together. Anyway, a truly important time for me was when Eddy visited us in college. Seeing Rogon and Eddy together made me realize how very smart these two guys were. Rogon with his big words, and Eddy was using really big words too, sometimes even in court. I wanted to be just like them. And then a magical thing happened. We had this plastic red bird on a long spring. We placed it in front of the dorm window, and then took turns beating the living crap out of it until it rapidly disassembled itself. It was great fun, and we all became great friends after that. It was at that time that we all had the same identical thought, at the same moment in time. We knew that we’d invent GHM, PHLEGM, and SCAB. Unfortunately, we didn’t realize we had this thought until 32 years later.”
“Thanks so much for sharing,” Proof interjected, hoping to draw the interview to a close.
Tempus fugit
So let’s all gather at the Happy Kitchen and talk about this, ok?
Hey look … I spotted an Ashley over there!!
I have no idea how you did this!
Now it stopped!
Time stops for no one!
Ah, come on guys! You have to give up some information here for all of us who just can’t wait until GHM X.
In principle, and with complete certainty, you should be able to tell us everything about GHM. No one is being greedy here … so please share something with us!
Ah the press. In almost every instance where I know the real story the press seems to get it almost right.
PHLEGM is in fact a subsidiary of the GHM and is held in the spring at the Happy Kitchen. SCAB is, on the other hand, the one true meeting which takes place in Las Vegas. I’m nit picking here but anything as important as this nit needs picking and picking good. There may be other nits that need picking in the future but we must
et contemplabor ut videam.
On the other hand, we could just rename all of the adventures PHLEGM as the GHM rarely (Once) happens on H. This may come up as a topic at the GHM or maybe not, I’m just not saying. Although I could. If I wanted. Which I don’t. Probably. This could be monumental!
Ah, the world is full of armchair journalists. Or would-be journalists, to be more precise. Safely ensconced in a comfortable couch, armed with a saber’s edge wit, all too eager to engage in the fine and popular sport of press-bashing. Overtaken by the adrenaline high that so frequently accompanies the rush to judgement, all too often facts are simply missed that an otherwise objective viewer would clearly see. The press, my dear Bearski, has its facts correct, full, and in plain view. Could it be that your vision was clouded? Could it be that your computer screen has a peculiar, if not unique, built-in bias?
Regardless of all this, I implore you to re-read QED’s account, and to recalibrate your perspective. This article is a true account, accurate in all aspects. I know this to be true because I read it on the Internet.
Wait. What?
I can’t believe that after a careful re-reading of the news piece in question that I obviously got it all wrong. I therefore sit comfortably on my couch corrected. Now I’m thinking about moving to a comfy chair to remain corrected.
I have hired a Technical Investigative Team to examine my computer for anomalies or any skulduggery and they have assured me that there are no erasures on the original document and the spacing seems correct so I have no choice but to swallow my pride and say that I am penitent. “Only the penitent man will pass” is a line from a good movie.
So I am willing to put this sordid affair behind me.
Remember, there is no ME in TEAM. Well not in the right order anyway.
In the immortal words of Rodney King while trying to gentrify his neighborhood –
“Can’t we all just get a lawn?”
Gentlemen, Gentlemen …
Tom, I’m honestly a bit shocked. To this reporter, your message to Mr. Bearski could have indeed been delivered in a much more conciliatory “envelope”. Might I even take it a step further, I would venture that you are a bit guilty of what you so fervently accuse Mr. Bearski: a hair trigger attitude, eager and ready to pounce without due consideration of your actions.
Regardless, it gave me great pleasure to read Mr. Bearski’s response. Cool, deliberate, responsible and humble.
Tom, armchair journalists (as you put it), are not the enemy. More often than not, they serve to keep we professional journalists honest, and our motives transparent in the eyes of the public. And let us remember that it is the Public that we serve. Not ourselves.
And that’s the way it is … Sunday, September 21st.
So here we sit. Loins girded. Girded loins are great with mushroom gravy by the way. We await the passage of time in anticipation of fulfilling our GHM X destiny.The agenda secure in our collective mind vaults although the combination for my mind vault is written next to the dial. With a Sharpie. You know, just in case. Mine is also password protected but no matter what word I type it always shows *******. But do yourself a favor and don’t go poking around in there, It’s a scary place. Rogon’s mind vault is now full of “Craps for fun and profit” literature. Mitch’s is rife with snakes. So leave those vaults alone.
Going out to buy some loins and girding now.
Hey Eddy, it’s me, Mitch (even though I used Ryder as my name, I know that I can’t fool you!). This interweb thing is so cool!!
Anyway, I can’t believe that you and I have EXACTLY the same password. Go figure the chances of that of that. (You don’t really have to do the math, Eddy. That was just a figurine of speech.) Must be because we’re all friends. Really special friends. But you really shouldn’t put it on the inter web like you did. Now EVERYONE knows your password. But they won’t know mine. It’s a secret. Supposed to be right?
Well, gotta run. Nah, I’m really just going to walk away now. See ya on the inter web. LOL (That’s an abbreviation for Laugh Out Loud. I saved so many keystrokes by using only 3 letters!) Anyway, I’m going now and L (for Laughing) all the way. Bye Eddy!
Gee Mr. Bearski, this must be your lucky day! We have girded loins at the buffet table today. Would you like a fresh plate? And it sure looks like you could use a new napkin. Maybe two or three …
Ryder or Mitch,
I am obviously doing something wrong with your space age communications medium. All was going quite well and then this time it seems like the reply thread is all higgledy piggledy out or order. My lips get tired having to read the entire list of replies in order to be up to date. Is there a sorting thingy? I used to be able to just scroll down to the bottom to get my chuckle and now I find myself exhausted by all of the pre-chuckling that I need to do. Can this be fixed or have I broken the internet?
So let it be written … Then let it be resorted.
Me Dammit! Sounds so much better with the echo effect on.
Thank you oh Interweb God.
I’ll be sending you a nice gift basket with loins, both girded and unfettered.